Toxic people like narcissists and sociopaths destroy everything and anything in their path. On a larger scale, they ruin entire lives. Everything ranging from taking off with their victim\u2019s hard-earned funds, carrying on double lives that deplete their families, posing irreparable, psychological harm to any children they raise – to driving their victims to suicide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps, on a smaller but still significant scale, they ruin something their victims are looking forward to. The narcissistic father stumbles drunk into another one of his kid\u2019s birthday parties. The abusive mother prevents her daughter from going to prom after weeks of preparing her beautiful dress. The sadistic boyfriend sabotages his girlfriend\u2019s graduation by breaking up with her the day before, effectively tarnishing a celebration of her accomplishments that she\u2019s been looking forward to for months.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or, even more deviously, they may set up an elaborate scenario that prepares their victims for failure. They might invite their victims on a romantic getaway, only to spend the time flirting with others on the trip. They might prepare a birthday celebration for their victims, only to stir up arguments the entire time. They could offer to treat you to a date, just to abandon you on the day of. Usually during an abuse cycle, there are multiple incidents of these covert sabotage attempts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The art of the subtle sabotage, much like the art of the pity ploy<\/a>, is used to stage an environment of psychological warfare. It\u2019s a set of manipulations within the abuse cycle that leads to an elaborate game of chess \u2013 if chess were an epic, elaborate game of mindfuckery that is. Every step the victim takes, he or she is blocked from getting to the destination. Each move is carefully \u201cwatched\u201d and evaluated so the other player can learn to provide a buffer between the victim\u2019s movement and their intended goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Subtle sabotage (or any form of sabotage, really) is used for the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the narcissist or their even more conscienceless cousin, the sociopath or psychopath, feels that they are the puppeteer pulling all the strings, they gain confidence from this. If they can dupe their empathic, eager-to-please victims, they get off on the idea that they are the superior ones. This is also known as \u201cduping delight.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n To the malignant narcissist, it feels good to play God. In fact, a sense of grandiosity is part of their diagnostic criteria<\/a>. They watch with glee as their victims stumble upon the roadblocks they\u2019ve set up for them or attempt with frustration to keep up with the ever-changing moving goal posts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How do you make a victim look like the \u201ccrazy\u201d one after you abuse them? Well, you make sure to provoke them<\/a> into reacting, especially in public. Acts of subtle sabotage ensure that victims who speak out will baffle outsiders who are not aware of the covert dynamics taking place within the abusive relationship. Even the strongest of individuals eventually \u201csnap\u201d when subjected to long periods of terrorizing behavior. Psychopathic individuals count on society to make the final judgment on the victim\u2019s credibility based on these reactions to the abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A crestfallen, traumatized<\/a> victim is unlikely to present a calm, emotionless defense when attempting to explain the abusive behavior \u2013 whereas those on the high end of psychopathy lack the normal fear and anxiety responses<\/a> associated with deception and high-risk activities. Who do you think comes off as the \u201csane\u201d one in the courtroom, among friends and family, the workplace, or any other context where narcissistic abuse takes place?<\/p>\n\n\n\n In committing subtle sabotage, emotional predators make sure that their victims feel further alienated and isolated due to the covert nature of the abuse. The victims sense they won’t be heard or validated, so they stop speaking out – or never speak at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Research<\/a> has indicated that those on the more malignant end of narcissism tend to derive joy from seeing sad faces. This is not news to anyone who has been a survivor of a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath. They enjoy inflicting pain \u2013 to be the cause of it is even more thrilling for them. Sabotage enables them to see their sick and twisted mind games unraveling in real time on the stage of the victim\u2019s life come undone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019ve been sabotaged \u2013 whether subtly or overtly by a malignant narcissist, know that it is not your fault. You were chosen<\/a> because you had beautiful and brilliant qualities that were used against you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These predators don\u2019t have as much fun breaking down an already weak target \u2013 they choose healthy, strong, vibrant individuals who emit the light that they are drawn to. They love seeing that light enshrouded in their darkness. Remember that many of these individuals are pathologically envious and despise seeing you shine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You cannot win by playing them at their own game.<\/strong> To play on their level would require a severe deficiency of empathy or remorse that will only turn you into the very monsters you seek to slay. Instead, you must use your experiences to build your inner wisdom, knowledge, resources and self-validation. You must “play” at a whole different level by not playing against them at all, but rather using everything you have to survive and thrive instead. Stand in the truth of who you really are and what happened to you. Use everything they did to you as motivation and fuel to flourish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You must build organic support systems and networks outside of them \u2013 networks they cannot touch. You must continue to showcase the talents and gifts in ways they could not stifle, even if they tried. You must use these experiences not to stoop to their level, but to catapult yourself into greater heights<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You must use what you\u2019ve learned for your highest good and the greater good. Your experiences, your stories – can collectively lead to change, to revolution, to increased awareness. Exposing how these manipulation tactics work to destabilize victims can potentially change lives and expose predators working underhandedly in our midst.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, as counterintuitive as it may sound, the solution lies in not in \u201chiding\u201d so you no longer become a target. It\u2019s in shining a light on their darkness, while continuing to shine brightly. To let these toxic individuals take away what you love most would be to give them the very essence of yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\nTo stroke the narcissist\u2019s or psychopathic individual\u2019s ego.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
To grant narcissists a grandiose sense of power. <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
To devalue, diminish and provoke their victims into looking like the crazy ones. <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
To derive a sense of sadistic pleasure. <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
What To Do When You\u2019ve Been Sabotaged<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n